The Very First Lesson My Child Taught Me

Hello Love. My name is Angel Aurora. Thank you for giving the space and time to read, and tune in to my personal experience of motherhood - and how it shaped, and is continually shaping my spirituality. There are countless points to be made, but this specific prose will tune in to the theme of surrender through the lense of childbirth.

Let’s start off with what I initially wanted and envisioned for my labor. I definitely did not want to birth in a hospital. We all know hospitals are known for how ridiculously pricey the bills are, and how jaded the staff can be. I had initially wanted to birth at a natural birthing center.

Lorelei is my first child, so I wanted to be extra safe with her entry into this world. I knew I was doing all that I could to maintain our health, but complications at birth can be very quick and unpredictable, and I wanted the safety net of the OPTION of medical professionals being around.

I had registered there, in January (before Corona hit).

I had gone to a few appointments... when they introduced their new rules and regulations. They told me I could only have one person present for the birth. I already painted a picture of how I wanted my labor to be. It included the details of having my beautiful soul sisters present. Reflecting upon this new knowledge, and a previous point made to me that I could not actually birth in the water due to liabilities, I decided that this birthing center was not aligned with my wants and needs.

I withdrew from them, and sought out a new midwife & doula.

Through beautiful connections of the spiritual community out here in Portland, I was blessed with a seriously gorgeous, trust-worthy, affordable doula. I still wanted a water birth, so was looking into midwives who were able to perform in-home, water births. And, through her, she serendipitously plugged me into a just as warm, knowledgeable, and holistic midwife that she has worked with before.

The combination of their energy made me feel very safe, and our connection was definitely there! I KNEW through and through, that they had what is best for me and my baby in mind.

It was something I did not feel from the birthing center's staff. This sentimental connection is super important in bringing baby into this world because mama needs to feel safe in order to literally open up the portalway for baby's arrival.

It was an all around win-win situation! I would still have the safey net of a medical professional present, a doula, all of my loved ones that I wanted present could be present in my home, AND birth in the water. I just had to wait til week 37, and go through labor.

I thought I had everything lined up. I got insurance. My midwife’s services, the whole home birth, and prenatal care was to all be covered! I made a birth-plan where baby wouldn't be vaccinated right away, or my umbilical cord clipped/snipped right away.

It all seemed perfect, according to me.

And then, baby said her first "no."

It was the morning of August 30th. I woke up at 7AM. I went to the bathroom. I had been waking up being very used to being uncomfortable. I laid back down, and tried to rest more, but I seemed to be getting increasingly more uncomfortable.

I tried using the bathroom to pee again. (While pregnant, you will pee, and LITERALLY ONE MINUTE *OR LESS* later, you will need to pee again.)

I laid back down, and noticed I started to writhe gently.

I realized I was having contractions.

At around 8 AM, I called my midwife, and she said she would be over at 10AM to check my dilation. She didn’t think I was going into labor so soon.

I knew I wouldn't make it til 10AM with a baby still inside of me.

I woke up and told my partner, " I need you today." He had work that day.

We did not have a "labor bag" packed. At the last second, Rashid (my partner) was shoving some comfy clothes and fuzzy socks and other necessities into a bag while we waited for the uber to arrive.

After about 2 hours of active labor, at 9:58 AM I had given birth to my beautiful preterm baby.

At 35 Weeks and 6 Days.

The legalities of the contract with my midwife to carry out an in-home birth, stated that baby needed to be at least 37 weeks.

I learned that nothing went how I planned it to.

I also had my narrative of hospitals transformed.

I was so used to the utter carelessness of NY hospitals. I understand the congestion. I understand the disproportionate high demand, high stress, work environment with the high population of people that are in constant need.

I assumed that that was just how hospitals in general, are.

I was proven so wrong.

I learned that nurses and doctors can be very genuinely caring. I learned that hospital bills do NOT need to be so damn high, especially for a new family.

Although I did not have the home, water birth that I envisioned, I was taken care of by a trustworthy, caring, medical team, AND the whole medical bill for the actual labor was completely covered by insurance!

Throughout my whole pregnancy experience, the theme of "surrender" kept coming up.

I did not get what I initially wanted and planned for. I did not want to birth in a hospital. But they were things that were out of my control.

Just like actual labor.

You cannot control what time the child will come Earth-side.

You cannot control the waves of pain that come with the uncontrollable contractions.

It is all a deep lesson, of a great surrender to the process.

She is already, my greatest teacher. And I am so ready to share more of my findings, next time around.

Thank you for reading, and have a blessed day 🙏

#momlife #momlessons #newmom #angelmom